


(An)aphrodisiac

by cupidsbow



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Character Study, Other, Slice of Life, anaphrodisiac
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 01:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17519972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsbow/pseuds/cupidsbow
Summary: Eddie volunteered to buy the replacement condoms.





	(An)aphrodisiac

**Author's Note:**

> For my [Symbrock community bingo card](https://cupidsbow.dreamwidth.org/436976.html) prompt, "Aphrodisiacs (Includes Things Like Sex Pollen)."

Eddie volunteered to buy the replacement condoms.

Denise yelled, “Non-lubricated!” as he left her and Giáp in the back of the news-van, trying to get the spare wireless mic working. It was 2pm, and they only had an hour to get the story wrapped before the nearby school let out and everything turned to chaos. No-one was happy about it: first the van’s aircon had fritzed out, then the good mic had broken, then the back-up mic wasn't working, and then they realised the condom box was empty too. A vaguely accusatory frisson had filled the van, because there had been a new box on Monday, and they hadn't wrapped up the mic's power-pack that many times.

Eddie had mentally dubbed it _T_ _he Mystery of the Missing Condoms,_  but didn't bother trying to share it, given Denise and Giáp had been looking daggers at each other. It was probably the new intern who had taken them -- Jake, Joe, something with a J. It was his job to clean up the van at the end of each shift, and Eddie could remember what it was like to be that young, horny and broke. Back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and Eddie actually used his dick for more than pissing, and used a condom for something other than covering a mic. God, it had been years. He and Annie stopped using them once they got engaged, and he hadn’t needed once since.

The heat pressed down on him as he walked down the street, despite the occasional hints of a breeze; leaves were wilting on the dusty curbside weeds, and shuffling pedestrians jostled for the scant shade of the shop awnings, sweating drinks clutched in their hands. Venom didn’t like the heat and was curled up somewhere deep inside. Eddie could almost pretend they didn’t exist -- **_too hot!_ ** -- if it weren’t for the occasional pathetic complaint. Eddie didn’t mind the heat so much. It reminded him of childhood summers spent washing cars and mowing lawns for pocket money...

> (“It’ll teach you the value of money, boy,” dad said, but Eddie didn’t care about that, it was hours away from the house, often with homemade cookies and hugs from his neighbours' moms to sweeten the deal, and he’d wash a million cars for that.)

… and the smell of heat brought it back. The nasal bite of hot bitumen and the occasional ozone of air-conditioning gusting from an open door: the brief slide of motherly fingers through his hair, the give of still-warm chocolate chips -- **_chocolate?_ ** \-- between his teeth.

They passed a diner, and a picture of a chocolate milkshake, frothy, cold and sweet snagged Venom's attention. Maybe there would be time to buy drinks for the team if there wasn’t a queue at the pharmacy. That might perk everyone up.

The pharmacy’s air prickled Eddie’s skin after the heat outside. A sign just inside the door screamed:

SEX!

POWER!

VIAGRA!

THE BEST PRICES!

Eddie huffed a laugh. It was the kind of thing he would have shared with Annie, knowing she’d find it just as ridiculous as he did, and he felt a brief pang of loss, there and gone again in a breath. Venom rolled over inside him, perking up a bit in the cool. **_Why is it funny?_ **

“Nevermind,” Eddie muttered. “It’s a human thing.”

**_I like human things!_ **

Recognising a can of worms when he heard one, Eddie beelined for the condoms.

When he turned into the aisle he was confronted with a wall of contraceptives. He’d known, the way you do, that there had been a growth in the market since the last time he’d gone looking, but it was another thing to be faced with glow-in-the-dark, coloured, flavoured, edible, textured, warming, for-her-pleasure, mint, quikstrips, tinglers, ticklers, slimfit, snugger-fit, skyn, micro-thin, magnum, maxi, and king styles in dozens of brands and package sizes.

It must have been obvious that he was out of his depth because one of the assistants appeared at his elbow. “Are you looking for something in particular?”

She was, perhaps, eighteen. She was wearing the shop’s blue and white uniform, plain black-framed glasses, and her hair was up in a sleek ponytail, but what caught his attention was a large zit on her chin that had obviously been covered by make-up at the start of the day, but had mostly melted off. Her name-tag said she was “Tonia,” and she looked politely bored by his quest for condoms, as though she’d seen it all before.

“Errr,” he said, then pulled himself together. “Plain, unlubricated.”

Tonia nodded. “Size?”

Eddie had never been asked for the size of his penis before, certainly not by a bored teenager. He decided he didn’t like it and hoped it never happened again.

 **_Does she want to breed with you?_ ** Venom was surprisingly keen on Eddie siring offspring for a being who had no concept of sexual pleasure.

“It’s to waterproof a mic’s powerpack,” Eddie said pointedly, and held his fingers out to give a sense of the size.

Venom radiated disappointment.

Tonia eyed the gap between his fingers with the kind of professionalism Eddie imagined even a jaded streetwalker might envy. “Medium, then,” she said, and pulled a pack off the shelf that claimed it was, _Suitable for sweat protection for microphones and catheters_.

“Perfect. Thank you.” Eddie took the packet, grateful that the ordeal was over.

“You’ll want some cotton balls for the tip of the condom,” she said, pointing at them as she made her way back to the counter.

Eddie snagged the smallest packet of cotton balls available, just in case there were none left in the van, and went up to pay.

Right before the point of sale, there was a bin with discount PEA powder. _PHENYLETHYLAMINE SUPPLEMENT_ the poster announced in large black letters against a silver background --  _ENDURANCE! FOCUS! STAMINA! --_ as though just the act of buying it would make Eddie more manly. Annie would find that hilarious too. He grabbed four bottles and Venom made a happy noise. Eddie dutifully grabbed a couple more.

Once he’d unloaded everything onto the counter, Tonia looked at the PEA powder judgingly. “You know this isn’t really an aphrodisiac, right? That’s a myth. You’d be better off going to the doctor and getting a prescription for Viagra.”

Eddie had the impression that if Tonia was allowed to chew gum in the shop, she’d be snapping it at him and his hypothetical impotence right about now. Eddie aspired to be as cool about sex as Tonia. He’d never really managed it, even when sex was still on the cards, and he could feel himself starting to blush. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he lied, handing over his credit card.

Venom, of course, picked up on the fact Eddie was annoyed, without fully understanding the implications of what Tonia had said.

**_Eddie, is something wrong with your reproductive organs?_ **

Grabbing his card and the bag with his purchases, Eddie tossed a “Thank you” over his shoulder and marched them back outside into the muggy slap of the heat.

**_Eddie?_ **

A souped-up car went by in a growl of engine noise and thumping music. A second-story window across the street jerked open, the person’s face hidden by the glare of the sun off the glass. A pregnant woman burst out of the diner’s doorway a few shops ahead of them, a hand pressed to her mouth; another woman bustled out a moment later, saying something lost to the street sounds as she softly stroked her partner’s hair.

Eddie breathed in the hot summer smell of the street. The weight of the plastic bag cut into his fingers. He wanted someone to pet his hair and tell him everything would be okay. He wanted homemade chocolate-chip cookies. He wanted them, but he didn’t really _need_ them. He knew from experience that they were never as good as his memory. His tastes had changed; it was hard to admit sometimes, but he preferred other things now.

 **_Eddie? We can fix it._** Venom coiled around him, hugging him from the inside. **_What’s wrong?_ **

“There’s nothing _wrong_ ,” Eddie said (admitted, confessed), “with being asexual.”

Venom's confusion was pressing up inside them, like an inflated balloon. **_What do you mean? Humans reproduce sexually._ **

The pregnant woman was resting her head on the shoulder of her wife? Girlfriend? Sister? Her hair was as bright as a burnished copper coin, the hem of her summer dress occasionally pressing against her freckled calves in the little hints of a breeze.

“ _You_ don’t reproduce sexually,” Eddie pointed out.

Slowly, like a dog threatened with a bath, Venom replied, **_Klyntar don’t need to share cells. We grow buds. Humans can’t grow buds._ **

“You and I share a body,” Eddie reminded, gently, resting his empty hand against his chest.

Venom went silent, as though it had never occurred to them that sharing a body might mean sharing a sexuality. Eddie could feel the familiar roil of their thoughts as they dipped in and out of his memories.

> (They woke an hour before the alarm, enjoying the cool morning air from the window. Eddie yawned, stretched, scratched his balls. His dick was at half-mast, but it wasn’t urgent, it never was anymore. He felt relaxed and content. He smoothed his fingers up and down one of Venom’s tendrils, making them purr. In return, Venom lazily groomed his hair, raking through it with with the spines on their tongue.)

Eddie started walking again. He checked the time, and decided he could afford stop and get the milkshakes. He smiled sympathetically at the lesbian couple as he moved past them into the diner.

> (The woman at the bar smiled at him, and Eddie smiled back, tipping his drink at her, open to a conversation and maybe a lead on a story if she’d recognised him. He ignored Venom asking, yet again, if he was going to breed. She had almond-coloured eyes with friendly crinkles at the sides and scar near her lip that gave her a dimple. Her gaze flicked down to check him out, and Eddie’s flicked up to the TV report on the latest widget from Stark Industries that would no doubt be flooding the shelves before Christmas. The woman noticed, wryly saluted him with her drink, and slid off her stool, heading for a man sitting alone at the other end of the bar. Eddie ate a peanut, and went back to trying to tease information out of the bartender about the recent robberies in the area.)

Eddie ordered double-chocolate milkshake for himself, vanilla for Denise, and strawberry almond-milk for Giáp.

Once they were back out on the street, tray of drinks in one hand, pharmacy bag in the other (full of contraceptives and faux aphrodisiacs, thank god he wouldn't have to try to explain _that,_ Annie would have laughed herself sick), Eddie asked, “Okay there, love?”

 **_Yes._ **Venom said, even though they didn't feel like they were. They ignored his concern, focusing on slipping a discreet tendril down the straw into their chocolate milkshake and sucking most of it up in one go.

“Save some for me, greedy guts.”

 **_Fine,_ **Venom grumbled, sucking until there was about an inch left in the bottom of the cup, and then slithering the tendril back out of the straw.

They turned the corner and the van was in sight, Denise and Giáp sitting very close to each other under the one bit of shade in the small park they were filming in. Eddie was pretty sure Giáp was holding Denise's hand, and he said a silent apology to new-intern Jay, who maybe hadn't stolen the condoms after all.

**_Eddie?_ **

“Mmmm?”

Venom jittered a little with nerves. **_You can share my buds. If you like?_ **

Eddie paused on the side of the road, waiting for a truck to lumber by. He sucked up the last bit of milkshake, sweet and thick on his tongue, enjoying the chill of it, the slight ache in his back teeth. “Kids, huh?” he said, as he stepped down off the curb. Part of his mind was already thinking about what he needed to do once they started to film so that they could wrap before the deadline. Mostly, though, he felt relaxed and content.

Happy. 

Denise spotted him, and held up the repaired mic in victory, looking not at all abashed at being caught holding hands with a colleague. Eddie held up the pharmacy bag in reply.

He could feel when the happy soup of hormones he was releasing hit Venom. They stopped vibrating with anxiety and uncoiled, lounging around inside him like a poolside vacationer with a cocktail.

 ** _Our buds will make the best kids,_** they said, smugly.

“Yeah," Eddie agreed, and then laughed as he looked down at the box of condoms. "I gotta admit, though, that’s not really where I expected this trip to end up.”


End file.
